Introduction to Addiction Intervention

Introduction to Addiction Intervention

An intervention is often a misunderstood process, and the only thing for certain is that everyone involved has experienced frustration, resistance, and failed attempts towards recovery. Adam Banks gives an introduction to addiction intervention and brings everyone together to form an actionable plan. In this process, we find that addicted people are longing to be part of a family that unintentionally pushes them away. Banks’s step by step method leads loved ones into treatment by peacefully repairing the structure of family dynamics.  

Recovery doesn’t require losing it all to begin healing. There is no need to hit the bottom before seeking treatment. Because addiction is hidden, we may not recognize when others truly need help. Entering treatment is a personal choice, and the best we can do to others is to help them realize the recurring consequences of addiction.

  • By the time the need for intervention arises, the AP has resisted treatment or made various one off attempts. 
  • Adam believes family is the difference. Interventions are a group effort that is guided by a dynamic, well prepared plan. This plan creates a lasting power that cultivates recovery. 
  • Interventions are not the dramatic episodes seen on television, and they often require more than one attempt. They do not dwell on the past, but rather build towards the future.

Taking the First Step

Families nearing the point of intervention commonly express, “We have tried everything, and nothing works, they are going to be the hardest person you have ever dealt with.” Those in need of treatment can often be difficult. However, underneath this difficulty is an internal struggle to break an addiction. Your loved one knows something is wrong, and they know that their substance dependency is taking its toll. Watching this introduction to addiction intervention is a first step. 

It is very likely that your family member does want to enter recovery – they just don’t see a path free of the substance that has a grip on them. Your loved one has probably made a few attempts at recovery in the past and claims, “It doesn’t work for me.”

Successful recovery follows a months-long plan, one-off attempts will not work. Prior to a structured intervention, attempts to recover have usually been “popcorn” attempts. An AA meeting here, a therapist there, and a lot of broken promises. A family that has “tried everything” has yelled, screamed, and attempted to enforce various ultimatums and the addiction has won every time.

Intervention Success Follows a Plan

Intervention creates and presents an actionable plan for the addicted person, which we refer to as “the AP.” When presented with a well-thought-out plan, the AP can recognize it as an obvious choice to follow. In a positive intervention, family is the difference. The family makes the plan, and during the course of treatment, they are taught how to support long term recovery. This program brings the family together to understand addiction. From this foundation, a plan comes together. 

The AP wants to be a part of the family. In fact, we often find that an AP is the one of the most involved family members. They call more frequently, and they stop by more, and they are typically the focal points of conversations. Sure, these interactions might be painful, but they are instances of the AP looking for connection and longing for belonging. However, addiction comes with pain for the family.

 In this misguided pursuit of forcing an AP to get sober, the family punishes them with ultimatums, pushing them further from stability, and making them more lonely. This cycle perpetuates addiction, the AP feels like the “black sheep.” They want to be a part of the family, but the hill to climb to get back in the good graces of the family becomes overwhelming. They don’t believe they could ever live up to the expectations of the family, so they use more, and cause more damage. 

If we can change the dynamic by surrounding the AP with love, showing them a path back to the family, and helping guide them into sobriety, we can give them exactly what they yearn for, family connection.

Intervention Reality

There are a lot of myths around intervention. The dramatized productions of television shows can make an already suffering family hesitant toward an intervention. There is little reality in these types of shows. A proper intervention should be a positive experience, the interventionist serving as a project manager, and the family making and presenting a plan. 

Once families learn about addiction in the introduction to addiction intervention, they become very influential. The interventionist is in the back-ground, moving the project forward and steadying the interactions between family and the AP. The calm progression is a slow ascent towards a positive solution. 

Start Recovery Today

An intervention is not a one-off event where a family shames an addicted person into seeking treatment. These scenarios can only blow up, and that form of intervention has been tried 100 times before in the past. In a positive intervention, very little time is spent on the past. We can bring a great sense of relief to the AP if we assure them that we aren’t bringing up the past, we are focused on the here and now and the future.

In emergency cases, a dramatic intervention might be the only option to help someone. Rather than an ambush operation, imagine your family as a peaceful unit that can offer help and follow a program that allows for long-term recovery. 

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.

Intervention Timeline

intervention timeline

Intervention Timeline

It is important to understand that an intervention is a process to elicit change and not a one-off dramatic event.

Families are at or near wits end when they come to hire an interventionist, they often visualize a made for TV intervention, sitting around in a circle, and reading letters to their loved one. Few interventions look like this.

An intervention is best looked at like a project that you would complete at work. Consideration is given to the costs, the benefits, a team is built, meetings are scheduled, and tasks are completed. Intervention is taking the addiction out of the management role and installing family and friends in place to manage the addition. Addition is always chaotic; the process of intervention formalizes a recovery plan and puts an interventionist in the position of a project manager.

The entire process of intervention will take about 90 days. The first week is very busy as the family does pre-intervention planning. When a loved one checks into treatment, the family network continues to meet to offer loving support to the person in treatment, we show the addicted person that the family is also doing work to recover and support success. As treatment progresses, plans are made for after-care that support long-term recovery.

The First Step

The first step in the process of intervention is to educate loved ones and friends around the addicted person (AP). Family and friends need to understand addiction and the treatment options at a higher level to offer support and advice that will work. Intervention begins to change the interactions between the family and the AP. This work can begin immediately – Adam Banks Recovery provides a video course, Pre-intervention Handbook and book, Navigating Recovery.

The next step is to consider “the business deal”.  Adam Banks Recovery will help the family identify treatment options and facilities. We factor the total costs of treatment and insurance coverage. There are many options for rehab, from low-costs to very high-cost centers. Identifying and learning about treatment centers gets the entire network behind a specific plan. This is one of the most important aspects of an intervention.

As the family is learning and planning for a placement in treatment, we will be discussing how to “get in front of” your loved one. There are 4 escalating levels to an intervention:

Level 1 – Prep Work

Adam Banks Recovery will learn about the history of the identified loved one and begin to identify treatment options. This process begins with the first call into Adam Banks Recovery. The family is given resources to get up to speed on addiction and an affordable treatment plan. This process is completed over Zoom and typically takes 2 or 3 meetings.

Consideration is given to any conversations that might be considered by the AP to be “behind their back”. To prevent an AP from feeling betrayal we often invite them to be a part of Level 1 work; it is an intervention that doesn’t feel like an intervention and has a very positive outcome.

As the family becomes educated on the plan for treatment, everyone in the network will become an interventionist. Often placement in treatment happens without a formal intervention.

Level 2 – Soft Confrontation

When an AP will not engage with the intervention, we use our plan to “get in front” of them. The first attempt to talk to the ILO happen over Zoom, inviting an ILO to a Zoom meeting is less confrontational than a meeting in person as the AP doesn’t feel boxed in “on their own property”.

Level 2 meetings are about the immediate plan for recovery and the meetings are moderated to avoid looking back at the painful past, focusing on the solution, not the problem. The task-at-hand is to get the AP to enter a recovery program.

There may be several level 2 meetings that include an expanded network; we will be looking for influential people, grandparents, old friends, former teachers, work colleagues.

Most interventions are successful at Level 2.

Level 3 – Hard Confrontation

A Level 3 intervention is confronting the AP with the intervention network. Level 3 is as an escalated option, and in most situations, we try to avoid a Level 3 meeting.

There are significant safety issues, such as dangerous drug use, drinking and driving, or a danger to others, a Level 3 intervention happens very quickly. The goal of a Level 3 meeting is an immediate admission into a treatment program to prevent imminent negative consequences.

Level 4 – Law Enforcement or EMS

In some cases, the ILO is too sick to engage logically in any treatment options. If they are at risk of overdose, or have significant mental health deficits, such as drug induced psychosis, admission to a hospital for detox and / or psychiatric stabilization may be the only option.

A Level 3 intervention is done to ensure a facility-to- facility transfer of the AP.

The levels above may be used at different times and can be cycled through quickly, it is always the goal to keep the process non-confrontational and positive.

Intervention Timeline Example

Day 1

  • Introductory call
  • Current situation assessed by Adam Banks Recovery
  • Safety of family and AP is considered
  • Is this mental health and/or addiction?

Network reviews, “Pre-Intervention Guide” and video course

Day 2

  • First Zoom with support network
  • Financial considerations of treatment options – budget created
  • Addiction recovery, importance of 30, 60, 90 days
  • Review in-network and out-of-network treatment options
  • Goals of treatment for network

Insurance card submitted to ABR

Network reviews, “Navigating Recovery”, Preparing for Facility Placement, Understanding Addiction Before the Intervention

Day 3

  • Zoom education session with network, AP maybe invited
  • Education on addiction and recovery options
  • Identify secondary crisis
  • Appropriate treatment facilities considered
  • Plans for treatment placement, transportation, pets, employer, child care, financial

Call treatment centers for information

Network reviews: Choosing a Treatment Center: 10 Questions to Ask, The Other Crisis, All I Want is for Them to Stop Drinking

 Day 4

  • Zoom education session with network, AP is invited
  • Finalize treatment center selection
  • Organize family support for secondary crisis
  • Prepare for intervention, select time and location
  • Prepare individuals statements for intervention

Write statement for intervention

How to Prepare for a Zoom Intervention

Day 5: Intervention

  • Transport to facility
    Detox

The Week Before Treatment: Life After the Intervention

Week 2

Facility Placement

  • Follow up Zoom sessions as needed
  • Regroup with network to create new plan as necessary (in person intervention)
  • Prepare network for calls to leave by AP

Network reviews: Common Rehab Tall Tales and What to Expect when a Family Member Checks into Treatment

 Week 3 & 4

AP in treatment, transition to network support

  • Weekly Zoom sessions with network
  • Creating a supportive environment for AP
  • After care plans put in place (IOP / Sober Living)

Network Reviews: The Addict Family System and the Roles we Play and Returning Home for Treatment – Considerations for the Family

Month 2

Family plan aftercare / reintegration

  • Support for re-integration
  • Aftercare plan put into action, therapy, sober living, 12 step meetings, IOP
  • High intensity around reintegration, transition back home or to sober living

Network Reviews: Family Recovery Agreement and Emotional Detachment Supports Health Recovery

Month 3 & Beyond

After care support

Weekly Zoom sessions with AP and networkNetwork Reviews: Where Are My Amends and Trauma

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.

Information About THC Substances for Parents

Information About THC Substances for Parents

The use and effects of Marijuana have changed many times, often drastically between generations. This post provides visual information and a term dictionary to provide information about THC Substances for parents. It is highly probable that at some point a family member will encounter, or even considering using one of these substances.

Smoking a joint still conjures images of Woodstock and hippie summers in our mind. However, consumption of marijuana has changed. Smoking weed is no longer the most popular method. 

This does not weigh in on the discussion of legalization or risks of consumption. Instead, it provides information in THC substances for parents. 

 

Marijuana and its THC has Gotten Stronger

graph showing THC levels are increasing

 

The Weed of the Hippie days 

Marijuana in the 1960s contained low levels of THC, averaging below 10 percent potency.

weed in the hippie generation had low THC

 

In Stores Today

THC potency is almost three times stronger than previous generations. The weed your grandparents smoked is nothing compared to what is (in most states) legal today.

todays weed is three times as strong

 

Extracting THC Makes It Stronger

When THC is concentrated, the high is much faster and intense.

extracted weed is

Different Types of THC Concentrate

Listed are different types of THC concentrate. These products are easily consumed.

different types of THC concentrate

 

New Weed, New Tech

Commercial companies now manufacture THC products for mass consumption.

commercial lab making THC products

 

DIY Concentrate

Some users create THC concentrates with a few materials from the local building supply.

DIY concentrate

 

Buying Kits

Some companies sell kits for users to make their concentrate at home.

THC kit
But how do you use it?

Smoking THC concentrate requires heating up the nail, or bowl section of a rig. When it glows red and hot, the concentrate is applied. The user inhales the product as it vaporizes.

blow torch heating a nail to smoke THC

 

Torch Not Included

Ever wonder why every convenience store sells these? Smoking THC concentrate requires the use of a blow torch, which is obviously unsafe. 

blow torch sold at gas station

 

 

Low Profile Substance Use

Marijuana users of the previous decade can recall difficulty hiding pungent smells. Today, some products are almost undetectable, and even low key in size and operation. 

THC pens

 

Do You Really Know What Your Buying?

K2 is a synthetic form of THC. It produces an intense high that is even stronger than THC.

Spice

 

Frequency Matters: We can measure alcohol

We can measure alcohol more easily than the various THC products. This makes it easier to dial in our frequency of use.

alcohol beer versus whiskey versus wine

 

Increase in ER Visits

States that have legalized cannabis are seeing increased in ER visits.

ER visits

 

Effects of THC

The effects of today’s THC on the brain is substantial and should be recognized.

effects of THC on the brain

 

Dictionary of Slang used to describe THC Substances
  • 710: This number spells OIL when held upside down and refers to marijuana concentrates that may appear as an oil.
  • Alcohol extraction: A method of extracting THC using alcohol.
B
  • Banger hanger: A popular type of device used for dabbing.
  • Butter, budder, badder: Marijuana concentrates can look like butter and have the same consistency as butter, leading to butter and similar words being used to describe it.
  • Blasting: Slang term for extracting marijuana concentrates using butane, likely originating from the risk of explosion associated with this method. 
  • Butane extraction: A method of concentrating THC using butane.
  • Butane hash oil: Also called BHO, butane hash oil is a name for concentrated marijuana.
  • Butane torch: Used to vaporize dab so that it can be inhaled.
C
  • Carb cap: Part of dabbing devices used to contain the vaporized marijuana concentrates within the device.
  • Crumble: A slang term for concentrated marijuana, derived from the crumbly appearance of certain types of concentrates.
  • CO2 extraction: A method of concentrating THC using carbon dioxide.
  • Concentrate: Concentrated marijuana.
  • Concentrate pipe: A pipe used to inhale marijuana concentrates.
D
  • Dabber: A slang name that refers to devices used to dab.
  • Dab nail: The part of most dabbing devices that the marijuana concentrates are applied to. Also just called a nail.
  • Dab oil: Also called dab or dabs; a slang term for concentrated marijuana, derived from the small amount of substance used while using marijuana concentrates.
  • Dab pen: An e-cigarette used to dab. Also called a wax pen.
  • Dab rig: The most common name for the glassware used to dab.
  • Dome: A section of the glassware used while dabbing.
E
  • Ear wax: A slang term for concentrated marijuana, derived from the appearance of certain types of concentrates.
  • Errl: A slang term for marijuana concentrates.
G
  • Glass: Slang term for the glassware used to dab.
  • Glycerin extraction: A method of concentrating THC using glycerin.
H
  • Hash: Also called hashish; resin of the marijuana plant, used to create marijuana concentrates.
  • Hash oil: Hash that has been purified and concentrated into an oil.
  • Honey: Also called honeycomb or honey oil; a slang term for concentrated marijuana, likely originated because certain types of marijuana concentrates appear like honey.
I
  • Ice hash: A type of marijuana concentrate made by using ice water.
  • Ice wax: Also called water hash; a slang term for concentrated marijuana that is made using ice water.
  • ISO oil: A slang term for concentrated marijuana that is made using isopropyl alcohol.
K
  • Kief: Part of the marijuana plant that produces a resin that is high in THC.
  • Knife hits: An older way to use dabs that involved heating two knives and using them to vaporize and direct the marijuana concentrates. 
L
  • Liquid gold: A slang term for concentrated marijuana, derived from the golden appearance of many concentrates.
  • Live resin: Marijuana concentrates that are made from plants that have not been dried or cured.
N
  • Nug: A term for the flower of the marijuana plant which has a high concentration of THC.
  • Nug run: Marijuana concentrates that are made from using only the flower of the marijuana plant.
O
  • Oil rig: Slang term for a dab rig, likely originated because dab is sometimes referred to as oil.
P
  • Pressed hash: A slang term for concentrated marijuana that is extracted mechanically.
R
  • Reclaim: Residue that is left over after dabbing, that is then reused.
  • Resin: Also called sap; refers to the resin of a marijuana plant, a part of the plant that is higher in THC.
S
  • Seasoning a nail: Refers to applying marijuana concentrates to a “nail,” part of the device used to dab.
  • Shatter: A common slang term for concentrated marijuana.
Q
  • Quick wash ISO: Also called QWISO, this is a method of concentrating THC using isopropyl alcohol.
V
  • Vape oil: A slang term for concentrated marijuana that is used to vape.
  • Vapor rig: Slang term for a dab rig; a device used to inhale marijuana concentrates.
  • Vapor straw: Simple, one-piece glassware used to inhale marijuana concentrates.
W
  • Wax: A slang term for concentrated marijuana, derived from the waxy appearance certain types of concentrates have.

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.

Kratom and Tranq: Two New Dangerous Substances

Kratom and Tranq: Two New Dangerous Substances

What is Kratom?

Kratom, also known as Mitragyna Speciosa, is a tropical tree that is native to Southeast Asia. The leaves of the kratom tree contain compounds known as alkaloids, which have psychoactive properties. These alkaloids, such as mitragynine and 7-hydroxymitragynine, interact with the body’s opioid receptors. This results in effects similar to those of opioids, such as pain relief and a sense of well-being.

Kratom has been used for centuries in traditional medicine to alleviate pain and improve mood. In recent years, it has gained popularity as a natural alternative to traditional opioid painkillers, such as oxycodone and hydrocodone. However, despite its potential benefits, kratom use can also lead to negative effects, such as nausea, constipation, and drowsiness. High doses of kratom can cause seizures, liver damage, and even death.

Recovering from kratom use can be challenging, as it can lead to physical and psychological dependence. Long-term use of kratom can result in withdrawal symptoms, such as anxiety, insomnia, and muscle aches. These symptoms can be managed with the help of a medical professional and a comprehensive treatment plan.

Is Kratom A Dangerous Substance?

The safety of kratom is a controversial topic. The FDA has issued warnings about the use of kratom, stating that it poses a risk of addiction, abuse, and death. However, proponents of kratom argue that it is a safe and effective alternative to traditional opioids for pain management.

It’s important to note that kratom is not an FDA-approved substance. Its safety and efficacy for medicinal use have not been well-studied. Furthermore, kratom can also lead to negative effects such as addiction and withdrawal symptoms. If you are considering kratom, speak with a healthcare professional to weigh the potential risks and benefits.

As for drug testing, kratom alkaloids can be detected in urine for up to several days after use, but they are not included in the standard drug test. However, some specialized tests can detect kratom.

While it may have potential benefits, such as pain relief, it also has potential negative effects, such as addiction and withdrawal symptoms. Kratom is not an FDA-approved substance and its safety and efficacy for medicinal use have not been well-studied. If you are considering using kratom, it is important to speak with a healthcare professional to weigh the potential risks and benefits. It’s also important to note that kratom can show up on some specialized drug tests.

What is Tranq?

Tranq, commercially known as Xylazine, is a powerful animal tranquilizer that is not intended for human consumption. However, it has been found in street drugs and has been causing severe skin reactions in users, leading to amputations in some cases.

The New York Times recently covered this new drug in an extensive article, “Tranq Dope: Animal Sedative Mixed with Fentanyl Brings Fresh Horror to U.S. Drug Zones”.

Xylazine is a central nervous system depressant that is commonly used to sedate horses, cattle, and other large animals. The drug works by blocking the action of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, leading to sedation and analgesia. Because of its sedative properties, Xylazine is sometimes used recreationally, but this is extremely dangerous.

The exact amount of Xylazine in the current heroin supply is not known. However, it is believed to be a significant portion.  A Fox News article reports that the drug has been found in over 90% of the heroin samples tested in Philadelphia.

Xylazine, is not the same as fentanyl, another opioid that has contributed to the opioid crisis in the United States. While both drugs are opioids and can be extremely dangerous, they have different effects on the body.

The Effects of Tranq

In the article from Fox News, it states that “sedation with Xylazine have had severe skin reactions, leading to amputations in some cases.” This is due to the fact that Xylazine is not intended for human consumption and can cause serious side effects when taken recreationally.

The New York Times article also states that “Xylazine, which is a central nervous system depressant and is commonly used to sedate horses, cattle and other large animals, is the latest opioid to be found in the illicit drug supply, fueling concerns about the growing opioid epidemic in the United States.” This highlights the growing concern over the use of Xylazine recreationally and the potential harm it can cause to those who consume it.

Both articles also mention that Xylazine is significantly more potent than fentanyl.

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.

Common Rehab Tall Tales

Common Rehab Tall Tales

During the course of a stay at a treatment center, the emotions of the AP will change. Sometimes you will notice great resolve from your AP to commit to change and other times it will feel like they can’t see the forest through the trees. They don’t see the entirety of their addiction and the pain that it caused. 

One of the most important elements of rehab is sober time, the more time someone has the better their chances of staying sober for the long term.  When your AP is in treatment, you will often hear convincing arguments about why their treatment should be different or shortened. 

These utterances come up with just about every treatment center placement.

This Place is Like a Jail

Day-to-day life at a treatment center is very structured compared to the lifestyle of using drugs and alcohol. Learning structure is an important part of recovery, getting up at the same time, eating a healthy diet, and going to bed at the same time. These habits might have fallen off during use and treatment is a chance to reestablish a structured life. 

Treatment centers do have a lot of rules, phones may be restricted, patients are encouraged to attend all sessions of therapy, and the men are separated from the woman. Rules are in place to keep everyone in treatment safe, ensure that no one will accept the delivery of drugs in the facility,  and give people the time to focus on getting the most out of their time there.

“You’re sending me to Jail” tends to be a manipulation by the AP. They are attempting to get someone to feel sorry for them and call the whole thing off.  A good treatment center is more like a fancy resort, a far cry from a jail. Lean back on the research that you did on the treatment center. They may need to be reminded why a treatment center has rules.

There is an Executive Program that I need to be in

Most treatment centers have an expensive executive track. These pathways offer more liberties, like cell phone access and time to work. An AP might try to guilt someone into paying for these expensive tracks by saying something like, “I will only stay if I can go to the Bespoke Program.” All of a sudden there is hostage negotiation going on at the door of the treatment center.

There is no correlation between money spent and successful recovery, most people do better when in the general program, if the AP is paying and would be invested in the executive program, so be it.  But if the family is paying for the treatment, you should not feel guilted into paying.  

Your loved ones’ addiction and behavior got them to rehab, you are not making them go.  You are providing enough and don’t need to play a game of paying more for them to have the upgraded program.

My Friends Left and I am Ready to Leave

The lifecycle of being in treatment runs on a 30-day cycle, from new guy to senior guy, a full lifespan happens in 30 days.  When someone “graduates” it is a significant moment and it’s celebrated.  As someone becomes senior in the program they are given the opportunity to take new people under their wing and do service and welcome them into the program. 

Attrition of friends is a normal part of treatment, this attrition is the opportunity that your AP has to do service and help the newcomer into the facility.

*a word about “friends”.  Friendships develop fast and are very deep in treatment. People share honestly about deep aspects of their lives in group sessions. After treatment people go a million different ways, the friendships made in treatment tend to be just that, friends in the facility. It is rare that these friendships are lasting.

I Could Teach the Classes

In an attempt to trick you, an addicted person will claim they are the “best in the class.” They have been put into leadership positions. This is the addiction hinting that they can leave early. They may think they are looked at highly by the other clients and staff, but that is irrelevant.  

I don’t know of any treatment center that promotes clients to a position higher than their peers. Most people in treatment are trying really hard to break free of their habits. They would not tolerate another client telling them what to do. The staff certainly doesn’t regard someone with 2 weeks of sobriety as a leader in treatment. 

There are opportunities for clients to share their stories, this is an important part of 12-Step meetings and therapy.  By sharing openly, you are doing service and helping others, you are not the de facto leader of the group.  Everyone is given an equal opportunity to share their story with the clients.

Most treatment centers have a list of chores. Participating in service work is an important lesson. The chores are small, like sweeping the floor in the living area or making coffee. The clients are not the cleaning staff, they are simply expected to respect shared areas and take responsibility for keeping them clean.  Usually, there is a culture among the clients that this is expected of all.

Everyone Else Here is Worse than Me

Every person that I have ever helped go to treatment has mentioned this phase, every one of them.  There will be some people in the treatment center with really rough stories. There will also be people there that self refer into treatment, and decide to address the problem early. It is unlikely that your AP is in better shape than everyone else. 

It is important not to compare one addiction to the other. The reality is that if a loved one qualifies to go to treatment, they are in the right place. I encourage people that I work with to compare themselves to the people that aren’t in rehab instead of the few people that are.

Everyone Here Agrees with Me

Do the other clients agree with your AP, or does the clinical team? 

Most of the other clients in treatment want to be there and want to take the advice of staff members.  There is not a culture of other clients giving advice – and one should be very wary of taking the advice of someone else that is new in recovery.  The culture of recovery is to take advice from people that have been successful at it.  In a treatment center, clients know not to give advice.  When a loved one says “everyone” they are probably not referring to the treatment staff. 

The Facility is Only Out for Money (It’s just a business).

Treatment centers are businesses, let’s just accept that fact.  A reputable treatment center is very interested in a successful outcome for your loved one.  The front-line staff of a treatment center makes recommendations that are clinically based and in the best interest of your AP.

 It would be a rare (unheard of) recommendation for a treatment center to leave early, again distance (time) from last use is very important and there is no way to shortcut this.

 The answer for addiction is always more treatment and a longer stay.  For most people, 28 days is not enough time between using and going home.  It is very common that the treatment center will recommend a longer stay, and they will always recommend sober living.  If the treatment center that you choose has extended care, they will recommend theirs as the staff there believe in it and already know your AP.

Treatment centers will work with you to create an aftercare plan that is affordable and will accommodate the requirements of the AP.

I am Following the After-care Plan that the Facility Recommended.

 Aftercare recommendations always start with the most intense options as the recommendation. The most successful aftercare plan would be to stay at the facility for an extended period, but due to costs and time constraints, few people can make this commitment. 

 If staying at the facility is not an option, the treatment center will recommend sober living and intensive outpatient treatment.  If your AP will not agree to sober living, the treatment center will make other recommendations. This creates a “race to the bottom.” The treatment center recommends the highest and best course of action, and the AP negotiates down.

 When having the aftercare conversation with your AP, make sure you understand what the treatment center is actually recommending. 

Responding to Rehab Feedback

Most people at treatment are grateful for the opportunity to go to treatment. They are grateful to the staff that are trying to help them out.  Be wary of any story that your AP is telling you otherwise. 

 If your loved one has a complaint about the facility or seems to have a plan that doesn’t make sense, always ask your AP’s case manager what is going on from the facility’s perspective. Don’t take action just based on what your AP tells you.

I encourage people entering into treatment to stick with the winners. Like any program in life, there are people very dedicated to making change. For those just going through the motions, going to rehab is (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You can make the most of it by sticking with the people that want to make the best of it.

I learned my lesson (by seeing people worse than me).

Thirty days of treatment cannot be summarized into one lesson to learn – that things can get worse.  Your loved one has already seen people worse than them before; they have already had negative consequences – they have had plenty of opportunities to “learn their lesson” before they got to rehab.  

Treatment is not simply learning one lesson or being scared straight.  If this were true, people would stop drinking after the first or second negative consequence.  We know that people that leave rehab early rarely, recover.  One of the most important parts of treatment is the 30 days, people need distance from their last use and there is no shortcut for time.

It is a blessing to go to rehab early, addiction is progressive, it always gets worse, if your loved one isn’t as bad as others, there is no need to wait until they are.

There is an upcoming event that I can’t miss.

There is never a good time to take 30 days off to go to rehab, absolutely everyone that has ever gone has a schedule of future events.  It is a matter of deciding what is more important, one event or a lifetime of recovery.  

Like clockwork, your loved one will look to the next important event and use that as a reason that they can’t do rehab now.  Upcoming class reunion, the next holiday, a child’s birthday, their birthday.  It really doesn’t matter what the upcoming event is, that is the excuse that they will use.  

Occasionally there truly are events that can’t be missed. A treatment center can work with major life events, but not for things like a 4-year-old’s birthday party or a high school class reunion.

It is time to decide what is more important, treatment for a life-threatening illness or the next event.  The people that attend the event would most likely be thrilled that your loved one has chosen rehab versus the event.

I am only here because (my wife made me do it)

Absolutely everyone that goes to rehab is pushed into it by someone that cares.  It is almost unheard of that someone to send themselves to rehab.  While a family member might have been the one to say, “Enough is enough”, they were not the reason that someone goes to rehab.  

Your loved one is in rehab due to what they were using and the consequences of that use.  Your loved one ended up with an intervention and going to rehab

I am upset at the way you went about (the intervention)

“You should have just addressed this with me one-on-one, you shouldn’t have told my family”. 

When family or friends step in to help someone out, we are taking agency away from the addicted person.  Sending someone to treatment is a bit unfair. The family steps in and determines the day and time someone goes to rehab. That isn’t at all what your loved one had planned for that day. It is common that them to respond with anger.

The reality is that family members have addressed the addiction one-on-one in the past and that didn’t work.  Intervention is addressing addiction in a new way. 

We can armchair quarterback the process that we used and the people we involved in getting someone to go to treatment.  Intervention is everyone trying their best to get someone’s help. We might make a few mistakes along the way, but we are trying our best.

Common Enemy

Your loved one may attempt to split the group up by choosing a scapegoat that they can turn everyone against.  Common enemies are the strongest person in the intervention group, the person that organized the intervention, the treatment center staff, or the interventionist.

“Bill overreacted, this was blown out of proportion” or “The treatment center doesn’t know what they are talking about”.  Your loved one is attempting to get people to join their side, and if they can get a few people on their side, they can manipulate to blow up the entire process.  

Your loved one is an expert at blowing up attempts by loved ones to help them recover.  They don’t think that this time is any different and they will make several attempts to sweep this all under the rug in hopes of making it all go away.

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail come from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, and the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.

I Went to an Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting and it Didn’t Work.

I Went to an Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting and it Didn’t Work.

I often hear, “I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and it didn’t work.” Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is not a single meeting, it’s a program.

Almost daily, I get a version of “AA doesn’t work for me” or “I went to a meeting and didn’t like it.”

I have gone to thousands of meetings since I got sober in 2006, people are often surprised that I still go to meetings.  “Why do you still Have to go?” they ask. I continue to goto meetings because it works, that’s why.

AA is a program like no other, there is no website that guides you through, there is no users manual.  You learn about AA by going to AA.  

AA can be intimidating to a newcomer, people will come up and say hi, and they will offer help.  An addicted person is not used to people actually taking an interest in them, and offering help with no ulterior motive – they are offering help because they know exactly what it is like to walk into a meeting for the first time.

How to Make AA Work

To successfully use AA to get sober, an addicted person (AP) should goto a lot of meetings, the adage in AA is 90 meetings in 90 days.  If someone plans on going to a meeting daily, they will become a part of the group, they will make some new friends, and they will learn about the program of AA.  Accountability is a very big part of recovery, making a recovery plan for the next day, agreeing to meet people at the meeting, and building a new circle of friends.  You can only do that by going to the same meeting again and again.  

You Have To Make The Time

“I don’t have time to go to a meeting a day” exclaims every person when confronted with this suggestion, and often exclaimed by the exact person that was drinking 4-5-6 hours a day.  AA is about making sobriety the priority and valuing the change in life.  People that dive into an intensity early, 90 meetings in 90 days, solve their drug problem once and for all.  It’s a small investment of time to change the course of a life.

AA is a Safe Space to Leave Your Comfort Zone

People get the most out of meetings when they show up a little early, participate in the meeting by sharing, and have a cup of coffee with a fellow afterwards.  Usually the person that exclaims, “AA didn’t work for me”, showed up late, sat in the back and didn’t say a word, and left early.  That is not being an active participant, that is simply checking a box of attendance.

To learn about AA, it is recommended that an AP get a sponsor.  A sponsor is a volunteer that is willing to help take someone through the 12 steps of AA.  Being a sponsor is a big time commitment, they might offer to speak on the phone daily and get together once a week to “do step work”.  Sponsors offer this help as they understand that doing service, giving back freely what was given to them is the cornerstone of the program.  

AA Friends Want to See You Win

As a sponsor, I am eager to help people who want it. I give my time and energy to the person that seeks me out, asks for help, and respects that I am there to take them though AA.  A sponsor is not a crisis manager. I don’t help people that don’t want to do the work of AA, I don’t help people that don’t stop drinking or using. That’s one key of AA – you have to stop drinking to work the program.  As a sponsor I am generous to those that need and want to take my advice.

You Need A Sponsor

You haven’t experienced AA if you haven’t gone through the steps with a fellow member of AA.  None of the people that tell me that AA didn’t work for them went through the steps, and all of the people that I have met that have gone through the steps tell me that it changed their lives.

You Don’t Have to be a ‘Church Person’

There are a lot of knee-jerk reactions to AA, summarized in the statement “it’s a religious program.” AA is a journey of self help and that is the spiritual nature of it. While the 12 steps do refer to a higher power, the virtues behind the steps are simple and agreeable.

AA Virtues

  1. HONESTY – Fairness and straightforwardness of conduct: adherence to the facts.
  2. HOPE – To expect with desire; something on which hopes are centered.
  3. FAITH – Complete confidence; belief and trust.
  4. COURAGE – Firmness  of  mind  and  will  in  the  face  of  extreme  difficulty;  mental  or  moral  strength  to withstand fear.
  5. INTEGRITY – The quality or state of being complete or undivided; soundness.
  6. WILLINGNESS – Prompt to act or respond; accepted and done of choice or without reluctance.
  7. HUMILITY – Not proud or haughty; not arrogant or assertive; a clear and concise understanding of what we are, followed by a sincere desire to become what we can be.
  8. LOVE – Unselfish concern that freely accepts another in loyalty and seeks his good to hold dear.
  9. DISCIPLINE – Training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character; to bring under control; to train or develop by instruction.
  10. PATIENCE/PERSEVERANCE – Steadfast despite opposition or adversity; able or willing to bear; to persist in an understanding in spite of counter influences.
  11. AWARENESS – Alive and alert; vigilance in observing.
  12. SERVICE – A  helpful  act;  contribution  to  the  welfare  of  others;  useful  labor  that  does  not  produce  a tangible commodity.

Do I Have to Call Myself an Alcoholic?

A lot of people don’t like to identify as an “alcoholic”, modern language today is “person with substance use disorder”.  I identify myself as an alcoholic for the hour that I am in an AA meeting. Outside of an AA meeting I identify myself as many other things, father, businessman, interventionist, partner.  

I have read a lot of books that I didn’t agree with a word or a sentence (most of my college classes), I didn’t throw away the entire course over a few words in the book. I didn’t like the concept of a capital G god, so I crossed out that reference in the big book and inserted my ridiculous concept of a higher power, Yogi the Bear. That’s right, I got sober with references to Yogi in my big book, each time I read it, I smiled at how ridiculous it was.

Not Liking AA Is Not an Excuse

The last and maybe most frustrating statement that I hear about AA is the most elementary, “I don’t like it”.   There are a lot of times that I don’t want to go to AA, but I still go.  I can’t value AA as a like or dislike.  Of course I don’t want to go to AA, I want to lay on the couch and watch Netflix. I have to go to AA just like I have to do other things in my adult life. Almost every activity of my adult life is doing things that I don’t want to do.

AA Works

AA is amazing, it is always there, us old timers keep meetings going so that we can be there for the newcomer. If someone wants to make a change AA is a support system made for them.

It’s impossible to form an accurate opinion by going to only one meeting. However, going to AA consistently will reveal that the program works, when you work it. All of my clients who have seen long term recovery participated in AA at some point.

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.

Understand Addiction Before the Intervention

brain plus heart equation

Understand Addiction

Before we have a successful intervention, we need to empathize with our loved one over what they are going through. We do this by gaining a basic understanding of addiction. When we enter an intervention with sympathy and understanding, the person of concern will see us as an ally rather than an enemy. 

To spot the growth of an addiction look for aspects of a person’s life that have been lacking attention. An AP will put on a front, especially when they have a productive work life. However, before substance use interrupts work, it will start to chip away at family responsibilities and relationships. The addicted brain will always choose the reward of a substance despite its negative consequences. The self aware lack of control will cause your loved one to feel shame and guilt after using. It further convinces them to hide the addiction.

Addiction is as a relationship gone awry. Time spent with a substance may have seemed okay while it was fun, but at a certain point it becomes clear that the relationship is toxic. Often an addicted person (AP) wants to get back to the initial “honeymoon phase” of their substance use. We know that once a relationship is over; there is no going back. Likewise with addiction, substance abuse has altered the original chemistry of the brain, and there is no way to go back to the early stages of use.

Deeply programmed in our brain is a response to things that feel good; if it feels good, we want to do it again. This response in our brain is particularly strong after using drugs and alcohol. 

Neuroadaptation

The first time someone uses a substance the brain says, “I like it, do that again!” 

Continued use reprograms the brain to tell the body that it needs the drug to survive. For the AP, it is not a matter of wanting to use or wanting to quit, but a matter of needing a substance to survive. This type of activity in the brain is referred to as Neuroadaptation. Once this process has occurred, the lack of a substance can cause severe, physical withdrawal symptoms. 

A human deprived of food and water will cross a desert. Parents fiercely protect their children  in the presence of danger. These types of behaviors are deeply ingrained in all of us. Addiction programs substance in the same way as other survival behaviors. We can’t shut them off, and will-power alone won’t overcome them. 

Addiction’s reprogramming of the brain places substance use at the top of a person’s hierarchy of needs. It takes precedence over self actualization and it’s much more important than the basic needs of food, shelter and water. It is not uncommon to see an addicted person drop their responsibilities as a parent, or disregard feeding even themselves. When we realize the strength of an addiction and its power over a person it is ridiculous to say, “Why can’t you just stop?” Their brain has been rewired to see substance use as a form of survival, and their only need.

Neuroadaptation is permanent. It can also be passed down genetically to subsequent generations. This is why people can’t return to use in the future. What has been changed cannot return to its default setting. This is why moderation, or changing out a substance “For a less problematic one,” is not possible. The only non destructive route for an addicted person is to start on the path to recovery and discover a fulfilling, sober life.

Breaking the Cycle

In recovery, the first goal is to break time’s recurring cycle of substance use. Time spent in a sober state can settle the brain’s dependency. We know that many people will need a month-long residential stay to start settling down. Once this has been achieved, an addicted person can learn to regulate urges with intellectual and emotional processes. After leaving a treatment center, the work is not over. Outpatient programs and 12 steps meetings are necessary to develop the emotional intelligence required for long term recovery.  

The end goal is the long term recovery, and the starting point is understanding addiction. When we take the time to understand addiction, we also gain the perspective of the bigger picture. Our loved one may not comprehend the work ahead, but they will feel our empathy. Being at their side increases the likelihood of a successful intervention.

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company that was later acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach.

Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one. 

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally. 

 

A Conversation with Rachael

post intervention treatment

Rachael’s father called me in the middle of a crisis. His ex wife and daughter were both heavily drinking. Their situation could have easily escalated into an intervention that required a formal confrontation (Level III). However, I was able to intervene in time with Rachael’s father, complete the prep work (Level I) and hold a soft confrontation (Level II). The following is a conversation I  shared with Rachael six months after her family’s intervention.

When your dad called me, he knew that you and your mother (his ex wife) were actively drinking, and wanted to enter treatment. Can you give us a short history of how you both came to choose recovery?

My parents divorced when I was seven. I am an only child and I felt alone most of the time. When I was that young I did not understand that my mom was in an active addiction. I became very independent due to the lack of structure at home. 

In my formative years, I internalized a lot of emotions. Although I didn’t understand it, I experienced many traumatic situations. By the time I was 13, I had already started drinking. Drinking was normalized by my family. At 22, my drinking became unmanageable. I developed severe anxiety and depression.

I chose to go to treatment because I could no longer live the lifestyle. On the outside I seemed to be a successful young adult. I had a great career and my own apartment. However, internally I was deteriorating at an exponential rate. Deep down I knew that I was probably going to die if I kept drinking. 

I transitioned ‘back to reality’ after a six month inpatient treatment program. When I came back home there wasn’t a strong enough structure to support my sobriety.  I felt alone again, like I did as a kid after my parent’s divorce and I relapsed soon after. The isolation was overwhelming, and I quickly sunk into a dark place.

My mom and I began drinking together, and it got really toxic. It was fine for a couple of days, but it became clear the situation was not going to end well if it continued. We reached out to my Dad, who then connected us with you (Adam). Together, we came up with a game plan. We were willing to go to treatment, and Adam connected us with facilities. I had a few open conversations about what I needed with a couple residential treatment centers about what I needed. I was nervous that because of Covid, there would be restrictions entering treatment. Adam’s team was extremely helpful in the transition, and I left for treatment the next day.

I remember that you both wanted to enter the same treatment center. We talked about how two family members can’t go to the same treatment center together because you need to unravel family entanglements. Why did you want to go with your mother?

Honestly, I did not want to go with my mom. She wanted to go with me, and would only agree to go if I stayed with her the whole time. After we talked about why it’s counterproductive, I clearly agreed that I needed to go to my own treatment facility. She came around and picked out a separate facility. 

You were willing to talk to me and you wanted to enter treatment. Your intervention was a soft confrontation (Level II). Although the situation was dire, we avoided a formal, “hard” confrontation (Level III). I think my best interventions are when the addicted person participates in making the recovery plan. What did you like about our soft approach?

I didn’t feel like I was being forced into recovery. It felt like it was more of my decision and I knew inside that I needed to go to treatment. The soft approach helped me feel supported and most importantly, not alone.

As soon as you were in treatment I worked with your family to create an aftercare plan. Part of that plan included a sober living home after inpatient treatment. You were very positive in choosing to continue on with therapy and sober living. What made you open to additional treatment this time?

As great as residential treatment is for healing, the real world still exists. It was important for me to have a transition back to the real world, and sober living is a great bridge back into normal life. I was able to work the program while gradually taking on more responsibilities. The best part was that I developed skills to address my trauma and navigate risky relationships that could lead to relapse. 

I do a lot of interventions, and in many cases the addicted person is not happy with me. I am really proud when a person finds recovery and appreciates what I have done to help them. You have stayed in touch with me since your intervention, and I consider you a friend. Can you tell me how you feel about the journey that we went through?

You were able to guide me through the most vulnerable and terrifying part of my life. This type of relationship is one of a kind, and I am forever grateful. I would not be where I am today without you. I look forward to making future memories as friends, and I am always happy to share my experience in hopes that I can inspire people who need help. 

You chose to go to a transitional program with intensive therapy and sober living. Can you tell us about your experience at that program?

It’s scary at first when you enter a transitional program because you don’t know anyone. I had to build relationships with staff and other clients. Luckily, everyone was extremely welcoming and friendly. I felt at home and understood. 

I enjoyed the program because it had a good balance of recovery and fun. There were a lot of scheduled therapy sessions, group meetings, and recovery activities. As you graduate through the phases, more “real life” situations, like work or school, get added to schedule.

Learning how to have fun while being sober is a really important part to my recovery. The transitional program definitely provided that. Even after leaving the program’s housing, you are still welcome in the community and can attend group meetings. 

They even have alumni services that include an app and facebook page for those who have graduated to stay connected to others in recovery. Honestly, The first day of the transitional program felt like the first day I was part of a family. 

I really like the program that you chose, it’s “recovery in real life.” The main clinical building is downtown and clients get to experience treatment and an urban lifestyle. Could you reflect on the concept of “recovery in real life?”

Campus treatment facilities are like living inside a bubble, and that bubble is going to pop when you leave. Recovery in real life is entering back into the world with skills and support to maintain a sober lifestyle. There are going to be difficult situations and triggers. Being realistic about my path and what is best for me in recovery has been incredibly important. I was able to work through addiction and learn how to navigate the sobriety by transitioning slowly. 

You had a relapse while at the transitional program, how did they identify that you returned to using?  What actions did they take to bring you back into their program?

My family communicated to the program that I had relapsed. I signed a waiver for my parents, so they were able to communicate freely with the program’s coordinator. After reviewing the facts of my case and steps I took since the relapse, I was invited back into the program. The program worked with the residential treatment facility I was in to transport me to their clinical building. I was welcomed with love, and started the treatment program from the beginning.

The program you chose has a pretty emotional intense family week. Your parents flew down and took part in the program. How did that go for you?

I was hesitant to participate in family week at first. It ended up being one of the most helpful parts of my treatment. We were able to learn how to communicate and empathize more effectively. There was some deep emotional work, but the program balanced it out with some activities that provided some levity. The week was draining but extremely beneficial. I recommend it to everyone. 

If you could give 3 bits of advice to someone like your former self, struggling with an active addiction, what would you advise?

  • Ask for help! Your loved ones probably know about your addiction even if you think you’re hiding it well. Don’t worry about judgment, they want to help and will do whatever it takes to have you choose treatment. Reach out.
  • You are not alone. So many people and families suffer from addiction. There is a huge community out there that knows exactly what you are going through. We are all waiting for you to take the first step.
  • Sick with a program like AA after treatment. It will get better, trust me! Even though you probably feel like this is the end, It’s not. It’s only the beginning, and you are worth it!

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company that was later acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach.

Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one. 

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally. 

The Other Crisis

A woman thinks about a problem next to a window.

 

It is easy to identify a family’s primary crisis, the addicted person. We know that they are on a path of destruction and they have likely caused significant damage prior to an intervention. Underneath the damage lies a secondary crisis. 

Forms of a Secondary Crisis

  • Retired parents spend limited money to help their adult child; paying the mortgage, rent or giving an allowance.
  • Abuse or theft towards elderly parents by an addicted person (AP).
  • Spouse/partners lying to “cover up” what is actually going on in the home.
  • Spouse/partner that has been isolated from family, or family has been turned against the healthy spouse that is doing their best.
  • Stressed out partner effectively raising children alone to “keep it all together.”
  • Child Protective Services involvement.
  • Financial problems of the AP and their family, money is missing or not going to the family as a whole.
  • Intense arguing in a couple, yelling and possibly safety issues.
  • Children having enough emotional intelligence to understand that one of their parents is acting weird.
  • Adult children that argue with their parents about how to handle an addicted sibling.
  • Adult children that no longer have a relationship with a parent that is addicted.
  • Parents that spend time worrying and arguing about the addicted person.

The family desperately wants to fix the primary crisis of getting their loved one sober. The AP is a wildcard; we don’t know if or when they will choose recovery. However, we can start to fix the secondary crisis immediately. This will bring the family recovery no matter what the AP decides. 

Consider how much time and energy the family spends talking about the AP.  We often hear from a concerned parent, “It’s all I can think about.” Collectively the family can identify the problem, but they often overlook the negative effects that the addiction is having on themselves.

The first step in solving the secondary crisis is to begin practicing “detachment.” Addiction is a tornado that sucks in everything around it. Detachment is the process of stepping out of the path of the tornado and helping the family find shelter. Remember, The AP’s mess is not your mess and you will not stop it by confronting it on your own. 

Alcoholics Anonymous

Al-Anon, a mutual-help group for people with alcoholic friends or family members, pioneered the idea of detachment with love. Most Al-Anon meetings begin with this reading:

“Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. Separating ourselves from the adverse effects of another person’s alcoholism can be a means of detaching: this does not necessarily require physical separation. Detachment can help us look at our situations realistically and objectively.

Alcoholism is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s drinking is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In Al-Anon we learn nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s drinking. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it. Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves. We can still love the person without liking the behavior.”

Al Anon teaches us: 

  • Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people
  • Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another’s recovery
  • Not to do for others what they can do for themselves
  • Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink, or behave as we see fit Not to cover up for another’s mistakes or misdeeds
  • Not to create a crisis
  • Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events

Detaching with Love

By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve. We allow the alcoholics in our lives to experience the consequences of their own actions. Families must allow the AP to learn from their mistakes in order to detach with love. This includes taking responsibility for ourselves and how we handle our loved ones’ addiction. 

In the end, it will be up to the AP to choose recovery. The first step can only be made with their willingness. When we stop trying to control the AP, we let go of the secondary crisis and allow our loved one to choose recovery on their own. 

With this perspective, we can see that detachment with love introduces the possibility of a better life to the addict. When they see their family take accountability, and realize their options have run out, they are more likely to follow suit. 

Families who drop the secondary crisis and detach with love will feel a major weight lift from their shoulders. There is a deep sense of burden being removed because the family is now responding with a collective choice, rather than an anxious enablement for the addiction. Removing emotional reactions allows us to meet the AP where they are, with love and understanding. The key to a successful intervention is to stop being responsible for the addicted person. Instead we must be responsible to both them and ourselves. 

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company that was later acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach.

Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one. 

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally. 

Where Are My Amends?

Apologies Come After Recovery

When an intervention gets rolling, families tend to gear up for confrontation as if they have one shot to get everything off their chest. They see it as an opportunity to unload the trauma and emotional baggage that they’ve been holding onto. It is often followed with the expectation that the addicted person will capitulate, emotionally breakdown, and then accept treatment. 

This is not reality.  

Although the situation is unlikely to play out that way, it is not unnatural for a family to expect an apology. They have endured a chaotic cycle of addiction that has left a path of destruction in their lives. They expect the person of concern to acknowledge and apologize for the damage.  What the family seeks is something that Alcoholics Anonymous refers to as ‘amends.’ 

We educate families that an intervention is not the place to seek an apology. The purpose of an intervention is to get someone into treatment. We can all agree that the apology is much more sincere and heartfelt when it comes later, after a person has started their recovery.

Part of how an addicted person apologizes is through commitment to their recovery. The words, “I’m sorry” have lost meaning to families who have dealt with addiction and become numb to their utterance. True atonement happens when a person of concern shows their family that they are attending meetings, repairing relationships, and seeking a lifelong recovery. 

The 8th Step

Digging up the past or seeking an apology deviates from the mission of an intervention. Our purpose in that moment is to help our loved one choose recovery. The apology will come later, when the addicted person starts working through the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. 

Making amends is the 8th step in AA for a reason. People need time in recovery before they are able to view the damage they have done with sober eyes. It takes several months for the fog of addiction to lift so that a person can really understand their past behavior and why it was wrong. Step 8 has the addicted person write down all of the people they have hurt and relationships they have damaged. Step 9 sets them out to mend, or clean up all of that damage.

Making amends in the AA program:

  • Make a list of all persons (the addicted person) has harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all (Step 8). 
  • Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others (Step 9). 

Recognizing that a certain interaction was wrong is part of a sincere apology. This will include relieving some uncomfortable moments like ruining a wedding with drunken behavior or creating a scene by shouting at a partner in public. The cringe caused by reliving those events will help the addicted person realize the significance of their recovery. The actual apology allows past relationships to mend even if they don’t continue. 

In active addiction, a person may have “ran a tab” with friends and family. Making amends may require some financial reflection and retribution. If the money was stolen, both an apology and a payback will be necessary. Those coming out of recovery may find that difficult to accomplish, but the subtle acknowledgment and attempt to at least pay something back will lead to mending a severed relationship. 

Show the Work

The most complicated and difficult part of making amends is when it has to be made with immediate family. Close relationships are typically cut the deepest from an addiction, and a simple apology is never enough. In fact, when someone leaves treatment I recommend that they refrain from making a verbal apology right away. For many families, addiction has caused years of toxicity and abuse, and quick apology feels empty or insulting. 

What I do recommend to a person coming out of recovery is that they apologize with actions instead of words. The family wants to see that recovery is working. They want to witness their loved one attending meetings and working the program. They want the “old” person back. 

For them to believe it, they need to see it. 

We refer to the process of making amends with a family as “living amends.’ The addicted person understands that to show their family they are truly sorry they must live out an apology. Making amends is a lifetime commitment to working on recovery.

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company that was later acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach.

Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one. 

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally. 

How to ​​Prepare for a Zoom Intervention

zoom intervention

During the pandemic, I discovered that Zoom interventions work very well. The digital space generates less anxiety for the person of concern. They do not feel ambushed or frightened by a loss of control that they might feel walking into a room set up for them. Leaving the meeting can be done at the click of a button. This option relaxes them enough to let the interaction play out. 

The greatest benefit to a Zoom intervention is that it is more inclusive. Time, distance and the cost of travel no longer impedes the entire family from coming together. We have scheduled interventions that were able to include the entire family, no matter how distant they were from each other. 

A Zoom intervention is a soft confrontation where the family invites a person of concern to participate in the planning of a treatment plan that involves them choosing to enter a treatment center. 

The work takes place during the intervention. We have found that it is best for families to let the meeting happen organically. We want to avoid “coming in hot” and making our loved one feel pressured to say “yes.” Confronting a loved one in an aggressive manner puts them in a defensive mode that encourages the opposite answer. 

Coming together to figure out a solution is powerful. When an addicted person feels the family uniting behind them they can garner the confidence they need to accept treatment. This is not the time to dig up the past or seek amends. The focus is to make a plan and enter a treatment program. Nothing else matters during this time. 

When to Invite

It is best to invite the POC the day before the meeting. Give them a night to sleep on it; allowing them the chance to ruminate on the possibility of change. It is natural for them to respond in anger and reject the invitation. That reaction is expected, we have left time for them to “cool off” by presenting the invite early. 

How to Invite

The following bullet points are invitation examples. Staying clear and concise is the most important part of drafting an invitation. It’s okay to make it personal, but do not allow it to distract from the message. The sole purpose is to let them know that we are holding this meeting, and we want them to participate with us. 

  • This is not a TV Show “intervention.” We are creating a plan for the family to recover. We want to start fixing things between us. I understand that I chose the date and time for the meeting, and that must be uncomfortable. But I just can’t go along with this any longer. I understand that you’re not ready. Make the plan with us so the best one is ready when you choose recovery. 
  • We are having a meeting tomorrow to talk about addiction. This won’t be an emotional event. We are too exhausted to fight, argue or cry. We will be making plans for a better life and taking action. We want you to be there with us. Let’s be honest. We didn’t call for an intervention; addiction has brought us to the point where it needs to happen. 
  • Life has very big moments that you remember forever. Some are planned; others are a total surprise. I know that we will remember moments like this for the rest of our lives. Our meeting will be one of those days and we need to share it with you. The decision you make will mark for the rest of our lives. Today is monumental. Choose to get better.
  • If I was struggling like this, you would crawl over glass to save me, you would go to the end of the earth. This is my moment to do what you would do for me.
  • I understand that you’re not ready; we are creating a plan for when you are.

Proceed with Caution 

Your loved one’s addiction will want to sabotage the meeting. It’s entirely expected that the person of concern will Google the interventionist to highlight and recite any negative review or reason why that particular person is incapable of helping the situation. As interventionists we are used to hearing, “you don’t know me” or “you don’t know what you’re doing.” That is the addiction talking. It will even throw curve balls to the family by feigning commitment. They will make empty promises like “Fine, I will attend AA.” We all know that isn’t happening. We are making a plan, not performing a negotiation. 

Another attempt at derailing the meeting is to peel someone off of the group, and guilt them ally with the addiction. They will make them believe that the entire thing is overblown, and that the family is “so controlling and toxic.” In this situation it is critical that the family stick together. The success of this mission requires that everyone works together as one unit. When a family can commit to working together, it is a powerful display that this time is different. 

 When talking to the person of concern, be as open and honest as possible. Families often worry that they “said the wrong thing” and approach the meeting as if they are walking on eggshells. If you are honest, open, and empathetic you won’t say anything wrong. Proceeding with your best foot forward is a proactive measure that presents addiction from setting up lies and traps. 

The Zoom Intervention 

The interventionist will start the Zoom meeting by introducing themselves as someone that helps families develop plans for recovery. The interventionist will look to a member of the family to introduce the team assembled and to summarize the intention of the meeting. We want the interventionist to be seen as the moderator, not the leader of the intervention. 

After the introduction of the meeting the interventionist will seek more information from members of the family. During this interaction keep this in mind:  “What have you seen, what do you fear, and what do you hope for?” 

When discussing why you think treatment is necessary, objectively account specific events that had a negative impact it created. Keep it under three firsthand experiences and remember that we are not pointing fingers at our loved one; we are surveying the damage addiction has caused and making a plan to clean it up. Here are some examples of what you might recount. 

Addictions Common Arguments

In our experience, everyone fighting addiction uses a common set of arguments against their family and friends. Addictions use of shame, insults and guilt will not have an affect on our intervention. We can prepare by viewing these arguments and responses. 

“Why are you punishing me?”

This is the opposite of a punishment. I am helping you fix the past and build a future. This is a way for you to rejoin the family. The addiction put me through a lot, and I am positive I only know the half of it. It has made you hide a lot from me. That all stops now. 

Your run has come to an end. I understand that I chose the date and time for this meeting, and that must be uncomfortable. But I just can’t go along with this any longer. This is your way out. It is a better path.

“I don’t want to go.”

I get that you don’t want to go to treatment. We are creating a plan for you and the family. You don’t have to go along with the plan; that’s your choice. However, we are no longer supporting this pattern. Your choice to continue to use will have the following consequences.

 “You don’t understand”

What you’re doing looks like a lot of fun. Sometimes I even wish I could drop life’s it all and join you. The late nights are reminiscent of when we first met and went to parties in Miami. That was a great time in our lives. When we had our first baby, my life changed. I can no longer live that life. I am committed to raising the kids. If you want to continue to use it, that is your own choice. I can’t be on that path with you, the kids need us. 

“I need to do this my way”

How is your way working out? We have evidence that your attempts don’t seem to work that well. We have researched proven treatment options for you. Furthermore, we can’t accept not seeking professional help. I know that addiction is a disease. If this were any other disease, we would seek out the best treatment for you. You told the doctors in the ER that you had to do this your way. A week later we are in the exact same position. I am sure if you could figure it out on your own, you would have done so by now.

“Alright, I will stop using… (one drug for another).”

Let’s talk to a doctor about that plan. I don’t know much about addiction, so I think that we should follow medical advice. We are talking about getting sober for 30 days. Maybe after the first part of treatment you can consider if you want to continue. I think the only way to really assess what’s going on with your depression is to stop everything and get real recovery in a treatment center. Our plan will fix this problem, one step at a time.

Outline the Plan and Take Action

When the AP becomes emotional or shows signs that they will accept treatment the interventionist will stop solicitation from the family and shift the family into creating a specific plan.The meeting will remain extremely focused. There is no time to beat around the bush or question the severity of the issue. Now is the moment in which a plan will be made and executed. Set the bar for exactly what you want; likely inpatient treatment. Don’t expect or negotiate for anything less. 

“Today, we have created a plan for you to enter the Highlands Treatment Center in Chicago, we have booked flights, and Aunt Mary is prepared to travel along.”

In a Zoom intervention, we look to close the meeting with a commitment from the person of concern. If our loved one refuses in patient treatment altogether, we can offer a softer entry into recovery before closing the meeting. These alternatives include outpatient treatment or consultations with Adam Banks Recovery. We will then schedule a follow up, which marks a success for the first meeting. Our purpose is to show the loved one that the family has united. This time we are not backing down. We will continue to meet until your loved one chooses recovery. 

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company that was later acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach.

Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one. 

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally. 

A Day in Recovery: My Rose Garden Relapse

my rose garden relapse

Today, in 2022, I am 14 years sober and very proud of my recovery. I feel compelled to help others understand what life is like on the road to recovery. In the early stages of an intervention families often ask, “What is it going to be like when they recover?” 

My “rose garden relapse” story helps families identify and understand addictive behaviors that emerge later in recovery. The true story makes me look a little ridiculous, but my fiancés perspective of it all is a great example of how families view and react to addictive behavior. 

Crazy for Roses

About a year ago I decided that I wanted to start a rose garden in the back of our house. When I pitched this idea to my fiancé Tony he looked at me like I was crazy. He said, “Absolutely not, they are pretty flowers but ugly plants.”

It was an honest reaction from Tony. We both knew that telling me I couldn’t do something would only green-light my addictive behavior. That week he left for a business trip and I went absolutely “rose crazy.” 

My relapse behavior was in full bloom. I went to Home Depot several times to load up on bags of dirt and roses. I planted them and went running back for more. At night, I was up late researching how to caretake a rose garden. Tony would call and text to check in, but I would avoid answering. I was busy doing what I wanted. 

Caught Red Handed

I was so engrossed with developing a prized rose garden that I didn’t even consider Tony’s reaction to my project. I couldn’t imagine the shock he would have when he came home to my mess, nor did I even consider that he would see the roses everywhere. None of it hit me until I turned around to my name being called from the patio door. It was Tony, and he was upset. 

Letting him down gave me feelings of shame and guilt. I told him, “Don’t come back here, yet!” I thought up a lie to cover everything up, there was no denying my behavior. Tony was staring at the 16 rose bushes planted in our yard.  

Caught red handed, I doubled down on my behavior. I tried talking him into seeing it my way, I wanted to plant even more. I told him, “It’s fine, you will see, they are going to be beautiful!” Tony wanted nothing to do with this subtle manipulation. I tried to bamboozle him by turning it around and claiming, “You never let me do what I want!”

Tony didn’t stop to smell any of the roses, he recognized the addictive behavior and told me that I needed to go to an AA meeting right away. At the meeting I shared my “rose garden relapse” with the room. Towards the end of the story everyone burst into a laughter that deflated my ego and caused me to realize my fixation over the garden was silly. I realized that I had let addictive behavior patterns take over, and that I owed Tony an apology.

Forgiveness

Tony has a great understanding of addiction, and he was forgiving. However, my rose obsession lived on quietly. During the winter I spent way too many hours researching rose genetics and care-taking. I learned about different varieties like Heritage roses and grew dissatisfied with my “cheap” Home Depot plants. How could I enjoy the backyard without Old Garden, Heirloom roses? In reality, I wasn’t studying a hobby. I was planning my next relapse. The day my local nursery received David Austin roses I purchased 16 to replace the ones in my garden. 

When it comes to addictive behavior, I am somewhat grateful that I fell back into rose bushes and not substances. Tony was very sympathetic towards my feelings of anxiety and frustration, he knows that the glitch is part of my mental health. Together, we can observe this before and share concern as we see patterns emerge. The open communication we share prevents me from diving into obsessions that are even more expensive like renovating the kitchen or collecting vintage cars and motorcycles.

Even after 14 years without substance use I still exhibit addictive behaviors. They might diminish over time, but they are no doubt a part of the long road to recovery. My partner and I acknowledge the eccentric parts of my personality, and together we enjoy both my sobriety, and our rose garden.

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company that was later acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach.

Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one. 

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally. 

Adam Banks interview on “A New Way” with Aynisa Leonardo

Adam Banks Interview on “A New Way” with Aynisa Leonardo

On the latest episode of the podcast “A New Way” with Aynisa Leonardo, Adam Banks discusses his new book, Navigating Recovery Ground School. The book draws on Banks’ experiences as a “functional alcoholic” while working as a commercial airline pilot. After the tragic events of 9/11, Adam’s addiction spiraled out of control. Adam’s experience with recovery is unique. However, the emotions behind his story are familiar to anyone that battles with with substance use.

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.

Drug and Alcohol Interventions: Do They Work?

drug and alcohol interventions

When families contact us here at Suntra Modern Recovery, one of the most common questions is about the success rate of our addiction intervention services. What we’ve found is that many people have little or no understanding of what an intervention is. In pop culture and the media, interventions are portrayed as…

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