Mastering Recovery: 5 Strategies for Sobriety & Success

Mastering Recovery: 5 Strategies to Sobriety & Success

5 Strategies for Sobriety & Success

The college experience is often synonymous with freedom, exploration, and self-discovery. For many, it’s a time filled with social gatherings, late-night parties, and an abundance of opportunities to indulge in the temptations that surround us. I was well into my recovery journey when I decided to get  my master’s degree. My sponsor urged me to aim high and work hard; if I could master sobriety I could take on any graduate program; and I was accepted to the University of Chicago. As I reflect on my own journey, I am compelled to share the story of how sobriety became a catalyst for personal growth, resilience, and the cultivation of authentic connections amidst the vibrant chaos of college life. Earning a graduate degree and mastering recovery is possible if you follow these 5 strategies for sobriety and success. 

Establish a Strong Support System

One of the most crucial aspects of maintaining sobriety in college is building a supportive network around you. Seek out like-minded individuals who share your commitment to sobriety. This can be achieved by joining campus organizations or clubs centered around activities that do not involve alcohol or drugs, such as athletic teams, volunteer groups, or academic societies. Surrounding yourself with individuals who understand and respect your choices will provide a sense of community and make it easier to resist peer pressure. I found that when you seek out clubs that are focused around your area of study, people are committed to the content and substance use is typically not a part of the network. 

Utilize Campus Resources

Colleges and universities often offer a variety of resources aimed at supporting students’ well-being. Take advantage of counseling services, support groups, and substance-free events provided by your institution. These resources can provide a safe space to share your experiences, seek advice, and connect with others who are also on a sober journey. Additionally, many campuses have student health centers that provide confidential counseling and medical assistance for substance-related issues. Reach out to these professionals whenever you need guidance or support. These people are there to help you, and you don’t need to be in a dire situation to utilize resources made available to you. 

Engage in Healthy Activities

Filling your schedule with healthy and fulfilling activities is an effective way to stay sober in college. Engage in regular exercise, as physical activity has been shown to improve mood and reduce cravings. Join a gym or participate in intramural sports to keep yourself active and meet new friends who share your interest in a healthy lifestyle. Explore hobbies and interests outside of the party scene. Whether it’s painting, writing, playing an instrument, or any other creative outlet, these activities can provide a sense of fulfillment and help distract you from the temptation of substance use.

The great thing about being on a college campus is that there is always something to do. If you fill your time with substance free activities, you won’t have time for anything else. Additionally, there are AA meetings everywhere, including your college campus. Attending a program is often a nice break from studying. 

Plan Ahead for Social Events

Attending social events can be daunting when you’re trying to stay sober. However, with proper planning and preparation, you can navigate these situations successfully. Before heading to a party or gathering, consider driving yourself or arranging a safe and sober ride home. Offer to be the designated driver for your friends. This will reinforce your commitment to sobriety and allow you to contribute positively to the group. Additionally, have a few non-alcoholic drink options in mind. 

You can always fall back on your need to get more rest or study time in. There is no need to apologize for dipping out of an event when you start to feel overwhelmed. Learning the art of the “Irish goodbye” and leaving without notice is a perfectly fine way to step away from potential substance use. 

Seek Professional Help When Needed

Finally, if you’re struggling with maintaining sobriety in college, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Substance abuse counselors, therapists, or addiction specialists can provide the guidance and tools necessary to overcome challenges and build a solid foundation for long-term recovery. Reach out to your college’s counseling center or consult with your primary care physician for referrals to qualified professionals. At Adam Banks Recovery, we can assess your situation and point you in the right direction. I certainly understand how it feels to balance the pressures of graduate school and sobriety. 

While staying sober in college can be demanding, it is certainly achievable with the right strategies in place. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network, utilizing campus resources, engaging in healthy activities, planning for social events, and seeking professional help when needed are all effective ways to ensure a successful and sober college experience. Remember, your decision to stay sober is a powerful one, and it will pave the way for a brighter future filled with personal growth and academic success. These “wins” in life prove that your recovery will be followed by success. 

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail come from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, and the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.

I Went to an Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting and it Didn’t Work.

I Went to an Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting and it Didn’t Work.

I often hear, “I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and it didn’t work.” Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is not a single meeting, it’s a program.

Almost daily, I get a version of “AA doesn’t work for me” or “I went to a meeting and didn’t like it.”

I have gone to thousands of meetings since I got sober in 2006, people are often surprised that I still go to meetings.  “Why do you still Have to go?” they ask. I continue to goto meetings because it works, that’s why.

AA is a program like no other, there is no website that guides you through, there is no users manual.  You learn about AA by going to AA.  

AA can be intimidating to a newcomer, people will come up and say hi, and they will offer help.  An addicted person is not used to people actually taking an interest in them, and offering help with no ulterior motive – they are offering help because they know exactly what it is like to walk into a meeting for the first time.

How to Make AA Work

To successfully use AA to get sober, an addicted person (AP) should goto a lot of meetings, the adage in AA is 90 meetings in 90 days.  If someone plans on going to a meeting daily, they will become a part of the group, they will make some new friends, and they will learn about the program of AA.  Accountability is a very big part of recovery, making a recovery plan for the next day, agreeing to meet people at the meeting, and building a new circle of friends.  You can only do that by going to the same meeting again and again.  

You Have To Make The Time

“I don’t have time to go to a meeting a day” exclaims every person when confronted with this suggestion, and often exclaimed by the exact person that was drinking 4-5-6 hours a day.  AA is about making sobriety the priority and valuing the change in life.  People that dive into an intensity early, 90 meetings in 90 days, solve their drug problem once and for all.  It’s a small investment of time to change the course of a life.

AA is a Safe Space to Leave Your Comfort Zone

People get the most out of meetings when they show up a little early, participate in the meeting by sharing, and have a cup of coffee with a fellow afterwards.  Usually the person that exclaims, “AA didn’t work for me”, showed up late, sat in the back and didn’t say a word, and left early.  That is not being an active participant, that is simply checking a box of attendance.

To learn about AA, it is recommended that an AP get a sponsor.  A sponsor is a volunteer that is willing to help take someone through the 12 steps of AA.  Being a sponsor is a big time commitment, they might offer to speak on the phone daily and get together once a week to “do step work”.  Sponsors offer this help as they understand that doing service, giving back freely what was given to them is the cornerstone of the program.  

AA Friends Want to See You Win

As a sponsor, I am eager to help people who want it. I give my time and energy to the person that seeks me out, asks for help, and respects that I am there to take them though AA.  A sponsor is not a crisis manager. I don’t help people that don’t want to do the work of AA, I don’t help people that don’t stop drinking or using. That’s one key of AA – you have to stop drinking to work the program.  As a sponsor I am generous to those that need and want to take my advice.

You Need A Sponsor

You haven’t experienced AA if you haven’t gone through the steps with a fellow member of AA.  None of the people that tell me that AA didn’t work for them went through the steps, and all of the people that I have met that have gone through the steps tell me that it changed their lives.

You Don’t Have to be a ‘Church Person’

There are a lot of knee-jerk reactions to AA, summarized in the statement “it’s a religious program.” AA is a journey of self help and that is the spiritual nature of it. While the 12 steps do refer to a higher power, the virtues behind the steps are simple and agreeable.

AA Virtues

  1. HONESTY – Fairness and straightforwardness of conduct: adherence to the facts.
  2. HOPE – To expect with desire; something on which hopes are centered.
  3. FAITH – Complete confidence; belief and trust.
  4. COURAGE – Firmness  of  mind  and  will  in  the  face  of  extreme  difficulty;  mental  or  moral  strength  to withstand fear.
  5. INTEGRITY – The quality or state of being complete or undivided; soundness.
  6. WILLINGNESS – Prompt to act or respond; accepted and done of choice or without reluctance.
  7. HUMILITY – Not proud or haughty; not arrogant or assertive; a clear and concise understanding of what we are, followed by a sincere desire to become what we can be.
  8. LOVE – Unselfish concern that freely accepts another in loyalty and seeks his good to hold dear.
  9. DISCIPLINE – Training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character; to bring under control; to train or develop by instruction.
  10. PATIENCE/PERSEVERANCE – Steadfast despite opposition or adversity; able or willing to bear; to persist in an understanding in spite of counter influences.
  11. AWARENESS – Alive and alert; vigilance in observing.
  12. SERVICE – A  helpful  act;  contribution  to  the  welfare  of  others;  useful  labor  that  does  not  produce  a tangible commodity.

Do I Have to Call Myself an Alcoholic?

A lot of people don’t like to identify as an “alcoholic”, modern language today is “person with substance use disorder”.  I identify myself as an alcoholic for the hour that I am in an AA meeting. Outside of an AA meeting I identify myself as many other things, father, businessman, interventionist, partner.  

I have read a lot of books that I didn’t agree with a word or a sentence (most of my college classes), I didn’t throw away the entire course over a few words in the book. I didn’t like the concept of a capital G god, so I crossed out that reference in the big book and inserted my ridiculous concept of a higher power, Yogi the Bear. That’s right, I got sober with references to Yogi in my big book, each time I read it, I smiled at how ridiculous it was.

Not Liking AA Is Not an Excuse

The last and maybe most frustrating statement that I hear about AA is the most elementary, “I don’t like it”.   There are a lot of times that I don’t want to go to AA, but I still go.  I can’t value AA as a like or dislike.  Of course I don’t want to go to AA, I want to lay on the couch and watch Netflix. I have to go to AA just like I have to do other things in my adult life. Almost every activity of my adult life is doing things that I don’t want to do.

AA Works

AA is amazing, it is always there, us old timers keep meetings going so that we can be there for the newcomer. If someone wants to make a change AA is a support system made for them.

It’s impossible to form an accurate opinion by going to only one meeting. However, going to AA consistently will reveal that the program works, when you work it. All of my clients who have seen long term recovery participated in AA at some point.

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.

Where Are My Amends?

Apologies Come After Recovery

When an intervention gets rolling, families tend to gear up for confrontation as if they have one shot to get everything off their chest. They see it as an opportunity to unload the trauma and emotional baggage that they’ve been holding onto. It is often followed with the expectation that the addicted person will capitulate, emotionally breakdown, and then accept treatment. 

This is not reality.  

Although the situation is unlikely to play out that way, it is not unnatural for a family to expect an apology. They have endured a chaotic cycle of addiction that has left a path of destruction in their lives. They expect the person of concern to acknowledge and apologize for the damage.  What the family seeks is something that Alcoholics Anonymous refers to as ‘amends.’ 

We educate families that an intervention is not the place to seek an apology. The purpose of an intervention is to get someone into treatment. We can all agree that the apology is much more sincere and heartfelt when it comes later, after a person has started their recovery.

Part of how an addicted person apologizes is through commitment to their recovery. The words, “I’m sorry” have lost meaning to families who have dealt with addiction and become numb to their utterance. True atonement happens when a person of concern shows their family that they are attending meetings, repairing relationships, and seeking a lifelong recovery. 

The 8th Step

Digging up the past or seeking an apology deviates from the mission of an intervention. Our purpose in that moment is to help our loved one choose recovery. The apology will come later, when the addicted person starts working through the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. 

Making amends is the 8th step in AA for a reason. People need time in recovery before they are able to view the damage they have done with sober eyes. It takes several months for the fog of addiction to lift so that a person can really understand their past behavior and why it was wrong. Step 8 has the addicted person write down all of the people they have hurt and relationships they have damaged. Step 9 sets them out to mend, or clean up all of that damage.

Making amends in the AA program:

  • Make a list of all persons (the addicted person) has harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all (Step 8). 
  • Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others (Step 9). 

Recognizing that a certain interaction was wrong is part of a sincere apology. This will include relieving some uncomfortable moments like ruining a wedding with drunken behavior or creating a scene by shouting at a partner in public. The cringe caused by reliving those events will help the addicted person realize the significance of their recovery. The actual apology allows past relationships to mend even if they don’t continue. 

In active addiction, a person may have “ran a tab” with friends and family. Making amends may require some financial reflection and retribution. If the money was stolen, both an apology and a payback will be necessary. Those coming out of recovery may find that difficult to accomplish, but the subtle acknowledgment and attempt to at least pay something back will lead to mending a severed relationship. 

Show the Work

The most complicated and difficult part of making amends is when it has to be made with immediate family. Close relationships are typically cut the deepest from an addiction, and a simple apology is never enough. In fact, when someone leaves treatment I recommend that they refrain from making a verbal apology right away. For many families, addiction has caused years of toxicity and abuse, and quick apology feels empty or insulting. 

What I do recommend to a person coming out of recovery is that they apologize with actions instead of words. The family wants to see that recovery is working. They want to witness their loved one attending meetings and working the program. They want the “old” person back. 

For them to believe it, they need to see it. 

We refer to the process of making amends with a family as “living amends.’ The addicted person understands that to show their family they are truly sorry they must live out an apology. Making amends is a lifetime commitment to working on recovery.

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company that was later acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach.

Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one. 

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally. 

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Inpatient Treatment: Common Concerns

Inpatient Treatment: Common Concerns

I can’t go to rehab because…

I work with many people struggling from addiction. Some people need to kick start their recovery and going the in-patient treatment route is often the best option. However, it often comes with common concerns. In-patient treatment or rehabilitation offers a month away to detoxify in a safe environment.

While a 30-day program is often the recommended choice, it is also a very difficult decision to make. Jumping out of life for 30 days is not easy, but the benefits of a strong foundation for recovery that can change behavior for a lifetime is often worth the trade off.

 “I don’t have time to go to rehab, I have to work”

Time away is a very real concern. Entering an inpatient rehabilitation program is essentially pausing a month (or more) of one’s life.  One might be resistant to the idea of having to be away from work or their families, however addiction takes steals time from families and from work. 

People often lose several hours in a day, if not entire days, when under the influence. Once in recovery people find that they have much more time to dedicate to passions, family, and work. Taking 30 days away might give someone 5 extra hours a day – for the rest of his or her lives.

“I can’t afford to go to rehab”

Treatment is expensive. There are many rehabilitation centers that are cash based or not covered by one’s insurance. However, there are many good programs that are covered by insurance. 

In order for a treatment plan to be successful it must be affordable, and luckily there are several low cost or in-network facilities. A good first step when considering an inpatient program is to determine what one’s insurance benefits are, and contact a local rehab program that is covered.  

It’s important to note that, in the long run, addiction costs more than treatment does. It is common to see people spending hundreds of dollars a day to keep up with their addiction. By multiplying the direct costs of one’s addiction by the number of days in a year can help put the expense of treatment into perspective. The costs aren’t just financial. One may miss opportunities at work, destroy relationships with loved ones, or experience legal troubles due to their addiction.  

The Four Horsemen of Addiction: Shame, Fear, Pride, Embarrassment

When someone first considers treatment one might feel ashamed or embarrassed. Admitting one has a substance use problem, and seeking help from others can make one feel exposed. However, recovery is never done alone.

It is important to meet other people who have also decided to seek help for addiction. Addiction is isolating, and rehab allows for new connections to be made between people in recovery. These connections are important because a support system is formed from them, which reduces the chances of someone relapsing.  

The idea of in-patient care can seem daunting, however in some cases it is the best option for someone’s journey towards recovery. When talking to someone about rehab try to discuss why they are resistant to the idea of a more intensive program, and gently remind them that no matter what reason they come up with to avoid rehab addiction will always be the more difficult choice in the long run.   

 

About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.

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