Helplessness and Siloing
Helplessness and Siloing occur often in addiction. When one family member reaches out for help, it is common that they point to someone in the family as an obstacle to getting help. They make claims such as: “I don’t think his wife will ever go along with the idea of an intervention.” Often the closest family members to an AP are the ones least likely to support an intervention.
Why would the person who has the most to gain from the AP’s recovery be the one who lobbies against getting professional help? Learned helplessness is a belief that no matter what you do, nothing will ever change. The addiction has carried on so long, they have learned to cope. Someone with learned helplessness feels that they have tried everything, and they have given up and accepted that this is their life.
This feeling of helplessness causes family members to create conditions whereby the AP cannot go forward in life. By predicting the inability to change, recovery is far less likely to happen. This is commonly referred to as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Someone with learned helplessness will put up with anything bad in life because they have accepted the addiction to be beyond control.
Symptoms of learned helplessness include:
- A negative view of the future.
- Low self-esteem.
- Believing that no matter what you do, the outcome will be bad.
- Resistance to experiencing change of any sort.
- Blaming others for the current situation.
- Believing that you are incapable of making good decisions.
- Feelings of frustration with life, such as the “why me” fixation.
The process of addiction can lead to the development of learned helplessness in loved ones surrounding the addict. Each failed attempt to regain control can reduce self-esteem until it reaches the false conclusion that recovery is not possible. “It’s just the way it is” and similar excuses justify addictive behavior.
About Adam Banks
Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.
Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach. Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one.
Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally.
