Close To Relapse Several Times

close to relapse several times

Close To Relapse

Over the 12 years, I have had many close calls to relapse. Alcohol is always there and it is always easy to grab a drink. However other things, like prescription drugs, have been more tempting to me. Drinking is one thing, but prescriptions seem to be more alluring to me.

Just a few weeks ago, my son had his wisdom teeth removed. The doctor gave him 10 pills of a controlled pain medication. When I filled the script, I felt warning signs in my mind. Did my son really need this medication? Should I have it in the house? How will I handle this? 

I dutifully had the prescription filled, if my son needed it for pain, I wanted him to have it in the house. He shouldn’t suffer because of my demons. 

I had the medication in the house for a few days, and then one night I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about them. My mind started racing. I could take one of the pills to help me sleep, it’s not a sleeping medication, but from past experiences I know that it would knock me out. I was trying to rationalize taking one. 

Temptations Lay In Wait

The medication was in a cupboard. I could almost feel its pull, like the amber bottle was glowing from the inside beckoning me towards it.

I kept obsessing about the medication, even Googling information about it. It was almost like the amber bottle started glowing, calling out my name. I was extremely close to taking the medication and relapsing. 

Somehow at 2:30 in the morning I was able to assess this behavior and address it as full-blown relapse behavior. I reached for a few Benadryl (sometimes I take that to help me sleep), and soon I fell asleep without taking the prescription medications.

I woke in the morning, startled, knowing that I had come close to taking the pills. Quickly, I found the bottle and disposed of them. 

I know that I can’t safely have medications in my home because they call out to me in insidious ways. My house is safer for me, and sobriety, if I don’t bring any controlled prescriptions into the house.


About Adam Banks

Adam Banks is a certified interventionist and the owner of Adam Banks Recovery. After receiving an MBA from the University of Chicago, Adam built a company acquired by United Health Care. His discipline and attention to detail comes from his former career as an airline pilot, holding an ATP, the FAA’s highest license.

Today, Adam is dedicated to helping others achieve long-term sobriety. His work has guided executives, pilots, and physicians on paths to recovery. Adam brings families together through a loving and inclusive approach.

Adam has authored four books on addiction. His recent work, Navigating Recovery Ground School: 12 Lessons to Help Families Navigate Recovery, educates families on the entire intervention process. He also offers a free video course for families considering an intervention for a loved one. 

Adam is available for alcohol and drug intervention services in New York, Long Island, the Hamptons as well as nationally and internationally. 

Recommended Posts